Here we are yet again. FlamingBaby brings you the next upcoming list of must see movies for your viewing pleasure. Like many of you, we here at FlamingBaby are HUGE movie aficionados. We eat, sleep, shit, and bang the hell out of any movie that we think looks half-way attractive. No other entertainment medium can bring titties and explosions together quite like movies can.
February 1st:
Strange Wilderness Strange Wilderness is one of those films that you won't really miss much if you don't see it. Like Talladega Nights, it's an in your face potty humor comedy. It's about a flopping wilderness TV show that goes on the hunt for Bigfoot in an attempt to not get cancelled. So, if you find yourself bored and looking for something half-way decent to watch, try it out. However, I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it. Especially, if you haven't seen other recent movies such as Juno or Rambo.
February 14th:
Here's one that I'm looking forward to. Being a geek, I'm all about action, sci-fi, and fantasy movies. So, it's not a stretch to think that I am adding this to my list of movies to see. Unfortunately, my percentage of GOOD sci-fi movies that I go see is not very good. So, before you blame me for you spending hard-earned cash on this, remember that I told you sci-fi movies are hit or miss with me.
JumperJumper stars whiny-ass Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) as Davey, a kid who realizes he has powers to bend space and travel wherever he wants. It's obvious that he parties like a rock-star before being found out by the group of people trying to kill all Jumpers like him. You might be thinking that this isn't nearly cool enough to go see. Well how about if I told you that Samuel L. Jackson was one of the people hunting Jumpers? Are you even a little curious now? Check this film out for to fulfill your sci-fi addiction.
February 15th:
Diary of the Dead I can encourage you to watch this with one name, George A. Romero! Do I really need to say anything else?
The godfather of zombies comes back yet again to film the undead in their natural habitat. The twist in this latest episode of brain-eating madness is that a group of young film students filming a horror movie run into REAL-LIFE ZOMBIES! I've nearly wetted myself in excitement in just writing this short preview. I wouldn't care if Romero filmed a movie about zombies filming student's filming zombies. If there are zombies in it, you can count me in!
February 22nd:
Charlie BartlettUgh, movies about high school. Are they really ever any good? Well, I think this one has a shot. This dark comedy is about a rich kid, struggling in high school, who finds himself in a position as a self-appointed resident psychiatrist. Finally taking his own advice, he finds love and acceptance for who he is as a person. This might seem a little lame, but the asshole, Robert Downey Jr., plays the principal and is sure to bring the type of asshole sarcasm that we have all grown to love.
February 22nd [limited]:
The Signal The Signal is a low budget horror film about a mysterious transmission that sends itself to every single cell phone, radio, and TV. The cool twist to this story is that anyone who sees or hears the signal instantly turns crazy and starts killing people. That's nearly as good as a signal turning everyone into zombies.
The Signal is filmed in three parts. The first shows the initial outbreak and its effects on the main protagonists. The second takes a deeper look into the madness growing in one of the afflicted. The third ties up any of the story's loose ends and brings all of the characters together in a big finale.
Look forward to The Signal being a silent hit.
February 29th:
Semi-Pro Oh, BIG SURPRISE HERE! Will Ferrell is doing yet ANOTHER sports related comedy. I had absolutely no interest to see this movie until I saw the preview. Hell, even the majority of the preview looked completely retarded. That is, until I saw the scene where he wrestles a bear! Any movie with bear wrestling will automatically get this FlamingBabyer's thumbs up. I'm sure that this movie will have a few other funny parts, but they don't really matter. It HAS BEAR WRESTLING!
February 29th:
Penelope Holy fucking donkey dong Batman, I'm actually putting a chick flick on our list of movies to watch. I'm sure that this will upset and enrage quite a few of you manly men. So, I'll get this out of the way. I'm turning my dick into you guys now, on the basis that you watch this movie first before doing away with my manhood all-together. Penelope is tale of a young cursed heiress, who can only break the curse by finding "true-love". Now I know that this has been done many times before. But the awesome part here is that her curse is that she was born with a pig's snout! It doesn't get any better than that! She's not some sexy mermaid with perfect tits and face. This girl is literally tore up from the floor up. Plus, she's being played by the always mysterious and sexy Christina Ricci. So, please watch this movie first and then turn my junk back in to me after you enjoy this fun little film.
March 7th:
10,000 B.C. I thought Apocalypto was already release. Maybe, I'm mistaken. Apocalypto is the story about a young tribesman who fights against a larger empire to protect his tribe. He runs away from big cats and has an epic battle in some huge pyramid looking shit.
In all honestly, despite looking so similar to Apocalypto, I am looking forward to 10,000 B.C. 10,000 BC looks like Apocalypto meets the Lord of the Rings battle scenes, with it's mammoths attacking such a well-fortified area. Hell, I went to see Rambo despite not wanting to, so I'm sure that I'll do the same for this one as well.
March 14th:
Doomsday If there is ONE movie that you have to see this year, it is Doomsday. Well, maybe the second movie this year if you count Ironman coming out this summer. Doomsday tells the story of a deadly plague, called the "Reaper Virus", which easily kills hundreds of thousands of people. Desperate to prevent total annihilation, the British Government evacuates as many people as it can and then builds a wall around all of the plagued victims and some who just didn't make it to the evacuation area. This works pretty well for the Brits until the virus breaks out again thirty years later. They then realize there is still life on the forgotten plagued zone and believe that the other side must have come up with a cure. Who better for special ops mission into the forgotten lands than Eden Sinclair, Snake Pliskin's illegitimate daughter?
We were able to see a preview for this before watching the Rocky movie last weekend. And holy shit did it look good. The survivors for the forgotten land are all Mad Max nuts and are looking for their next meal. Can Snake's illegitimate spawn really make it through the dead zone and return with a cure? I do know that I will be one of the first sitting there waiting for the answer.
March 19th:
Funny Games U.S. Funny Games U.S. is a remake of a German flick that tells the tale of a wife, husband, and their 10-year-old son being held captive by a pair of young white-gloved serial killers at their weekend lake retreat. The wife tells the story of how her family was beaten, tortured, and promised death by a couple of young serial killers.
There's been a bit of negative press since this movie is based on a popular German flick. To hell with the press. We're not German and we look forward to this US remake. We here at the U.S. are all too familiar with death and destruction. Just look at the destruction that our army has created in its wake, or the mass-school shootings that seem to happen at least once a year. We're a violent country and we love our violent films.
Dishonorable Mentions:
These are movies that you are not allowed to see. Watching these movies makes you less of a human and ensures that any kids that you have will be just as fucking stupid as you.
February 8th:
The Hottie and the NottieThis movie is about some fag who stalks some hot chick he once met across the country to tell her of his undying lust for her. Unfortunately, this movie stars Paris Hilton as the hot chick. The only movie you are allowed to see with her in it is "One Night in Paris". If she's not going down on a piece of man meat, then I don't want to see it. She has the personality and acting skills to that of that little bit of feces that stays in you toilet bowl when your dump is just too manly to be swallowed alive without putting up a fight. This movie will not be funny or good in any possible way. You've been warned.
February 22nd:
Witless Protection First off, we have Witless Protection, a movie starring Larry the Cable Guy. That alone tells you that you should not see this movie. The only people that find Larry's comedy funny are retarded rednecks who think talking about sister's moles is the greatest thing since outhouses and a cow's nearly inexistent inhibitions.
The movie centers on a hick-town sheriff, Larry, who sees a kidnapping and rushes off to her rescue. It turns out that the kidnapping.... Wait a fucking minute. Fuck this. I don't give a shit about the plot of this chewing-tobacco and incest filled movie. I've already given you enough valid reasons for why you should skip out on this guaranteed flop. As for all of you cowboy hat wearing asstards who think this shit is funny, may you die in a fucking fire. You're not even a real fucking cowboy.
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