
Well, we completely missed giving you our suggestion of movies to watch during the month of April. Hopefully, you had enough common sense to go see Iron Man and set yourself up for a Marvel-gasm of upcoming comic book adaptations. So here we are giving you the latest Upcoming Must See Movies list for May to June. You may not completely agree with us, but if you were conflicting between two movies you wanted to see during the same week, hopefully this list can put you over the edge to make a solid and happy selection.
9 May
The director's of the Matrix, the Wachowski BROTHERS, have come back and this time they're remaking the cartoon classic, Speed Racer. First, let me get the CAPS lock off my chest and bitch at media saying that Larry Wachowski had gotten a sex change and was now referred to as Lana. This is untrue. According to an interview with Larry, he is still a man and plans to remain so.
Speed Racer will blaze across the screen as fast as possible with as many bright lights pulsing in the background in their attempt to give you a seizure. I was never a huge fan of the cartoon series, but I am a huge fan of the Wachowski's and more than willing to give them my $10. Not to mention, that Christina Ricci playing Trixie is hott as hell!
This movie will be a great for a night out with the kids. Anything is better than sitting at home while they learn to rape and pillage playing Grand Theft Auto 4, right?
16 May
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
I'm sure most of you had to read the Narnia books while in school, just like I did. If you even slightly enjoyed them in school, then you have already been instilled with a small amount of fanboyism for this franchise. The lastest movie, Prince Caspian, has the Narnia kids come back to Narnia in the future to find that an evil king has over thrown Prince Caspian. The kids are easily able to start a revolution after telling Prince Caspian's people that the evil king has WMDs. So, they're off, George Bush style, to kick ass and feel the repercussions later.
All kidding aside, Prince Caspian is supposed to be much darker than the previous film and that makes me all the more anxious to watch it. It's also supposed to be much more action-oriented, which whould help keep the dads in the audience awake. Again, if you've seen the first movie, you are already inclined to see this one. My suggestion would be to go in thinking that it will be a shitty kid's movie and come out with a smile.
22 May
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Now, who isn't a fan of the Indiana Jones movies? Indiana was the ultimate gruff action hero of the 1980's. A professor by trade and treasure hunter by night, he always come out ahead despite the most ridiculous circumstances. Indiana's latest adventure brings him to the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Anyone who retrieves the Crystal Skull is told to be granted its powers.
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull brings back everyones favorite, Harrison Ford. We even get to see Karen Allen return as Marion (Indiana's love interest). Unfortunately actors do grow older, so we lose my favorite character, Short Round. He was the ultimate Indiana Jones' character, with lines like "He no nuts, he's crazy! " and "You say to stand against the wall! I listen to what you say! Not my fault! Not my fault! ". Instead of the amazingly funny Short Round, we are given Shia Labeouf (from Transformers). I can't say that I'm a huge fan of Shia's. Honestly, he seems like a pretty big tool. But then again, I said that about Leonardo DiCaprio back in the day and look at him now.
After Iron Man, it's definitely a hard choice between Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and The Dark Knight to name the movie of the year to see. Luckily for you, they each come out at different times, which gives you plenty of time to save up the gas money to make it to the theater.
Check out our review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull here.
30 May
The Foot Fist Way [limited]
The Foot Fist Way is this summer's low-budget comedy to look out for. Foot tells the story of a Tae Kwon Do instructor's journey through the ultimate despair of losing a woman to her restless vag. Spiraling out of control, the instructor punishes anyone that challenges him in an attempt to ease the burden on his heart. At a Tae Kwon Do convention, he meets his hero "The Truck". The Truck puts the instructor back on the path of enlightenment, so that he can move on and fight for his woman.
I really cannot wait for this gem to come out. The title alone tells you that this movie will be bad ass. There have also been some rumors that Apatow may have given a helping hand, which just makes the desire to see it that much greater. If you're not a prude and have a sense of humor, then I suggest that you check out The Foot Fist Way.
6 June
And then there was Sandler. Honestly, I never was a really big fan of Adam Sandler and his baby talk. It wasn't until Reign over Me that I saw what huge talent Adam Sandler has. Sandler cowrote this film with his buddy from SNL, Robert Smigle. Zohan is a middle eastern special ops soldier that decides to retire to a life of cutting hair in New York city. Despite a lack of hair-cutting talent, Zohan gets by with offereing extra special service to his female customers in the back room. The trailer shows a terrorist cell recognizing Zohan and they then plan to get rid of him.
This movie just looks absolutely hilarious and hott. The sexy, Emmanuelle Chriqui, plays Zohan's first steady girl after his attempt to go "legit". And then you have Rob Schneider playing a terrorist trying to kill Zohan. This movie is full of nothing but Aces. Be sure to put this on your list.
Kung Fu PandaSometimes we can't just be on the lookout for the next bloodied titty explosion gorefest movie. A few of us have children and have to look for a movie we can take them to and not be completely bored out of our skull. This is where Kung Fu Panda comes in. I'm a dude. Dudes like martial arts. Kung Fu panda makes in Inner-Man in me happy.
But, it's not just about the kung fu either. Kung Fu Panda has a huge list of celebrities doing the voice acting. Obviously, we have Jack Black as the main Kung Fu Panda. Black has a hit or miss style of comedy in that you will either love him or hate him. To me, he comes across as just a normal dude trying to be funny and I can appreciate that. Jack Black is met with other big name actors such as: Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman, Lucy Liu, Ian McShane, Angelina Jolie, Michael Clarke Duncan, and JAMES HONG! If you don't know who James Hong is, then I'd have to point you to his most memorable role as David Lo Pan in Big Trouble in Little China. That's right, Kung Fu Panda has fucking LO PAN in it! If that is not reason enough to watch this movie, then I don't even know what to say to you.
13 June
After the recent release of Iron Man , it would have been extremely sad to leave us with impressions of the Hulk from the 2003 version with Eric Bana. That movie swallowed more balls than the corner pockets of a billiards table. Don't get me wrong, Eric Bana was a great fit for the role. Sadly, the movie was just bad. So, they are now redoing The Incredible Hulk movie and recasting it with a pretty strong lead, Edward Norton. You should know Norton from his roles in Fight Club, American History X, The Illusionist and Rounders. I'm not completely sold on the idea of him playing Bruce Banner. But, I'm willing to give this amazing actor a chance.
Playing along with Norton is the always sexy Liv Tyler. She plays Betty Ross, one of the only people who are capable of calming the Hulk down when he is enraged. Then we have Tim Roth playing the bad guy, just like he does in 95% of his other movies. After seeing Iron Man, we can be pretty sure that either Robert Downey Jr. (as Tony Stark/Iron Man) or Samuel L. Jackson (as Nick Fury) will make guest appearances in this movie and possibly provide teasers for an upcoming Avengers movie .
20 June
It has been a while since we've actually seen Mike Myers act. The past couple of years have showed him raking in retarded amounts of money with the Shrek movies and the not so popular Cat in the Hat film. And that brings us to his upcoming movie The Love Guru. Myers plays a American kid who is raised/trained by a middle eastern love guru. Myers absorbs the culture and then returns to the states to share his talent.
Everyone should be familiar with Mike Myers' comedy stylings by now. If you're not a fan of pun-humor, then this movie might not be for you. Considering that Myers has been pretty successful since his Wayne's World days, I am definitely looking forward to him playing The Love Guru.
27 June
Disney's latest 3D animation movie WALL-E tells the tale of an isolated junkyard planet robot whose closest things to friends are the bugs around the yard. A landing spaceship scares WALL-E into ghost-riding on the ship as it takes off to return home. WALL-E should easily find his way into our hearts as he learns what it really means to find friendship.
Robot movies come in a close third to zombie and apocalypse movies to me. If a movie is based on any of these three concepts, you can be fairly certain that I will be in the theater watching it. You might be complaining that I am adding too many kid movies to the FlamingBaby list of movies to watch. But, how can you deny the kid in yourself from watching the latest that Disney has to offer?
Wanted is this summer's movie that could either easily suck or end up pretty good. Wanted tells the story of a 25 year old cubicle-bitch whose life could be summed up in the word "shitty". His dad ends up dying, which sets his fate into motion and has him meet up with Angelina Jolie's character. She reveals to him an underground assassin society that his father was part of. Being of the same bloodline as his father, he is then trained to become the perfect assassin and carry out fate's death dealings.
I just love the story idea of this movie. It may not be completely unique, but I'm pretty sure you can make any man happy with a movie containing assassins and angelina jolie. I can't really promise that this movie will be great, but if you go into it with an open-mind you might acctually see a decent little action movie.
Dishonorable Mentions:
23 May
Not that there is any chance in hell that a self-respecting movie theater would show this garbage, I still suggest that you keep as far away from this as possible. Yet another fucking Uwe Boll movie. You may be wondering why this asshat keeps getting funded to produce more and more shitty movies. The answer lies in Germany's tax laws that only require movie investors to pay taxes on money return that the movie makes. Considering Uwe Boll movies NEVER MAKE ANY MONEY. There's also the issue that those same investors can borrow money to put against the movie and not have to pay taxes against that either. It's a shitty business practice used to work with Germany's shitty tax loop hole and profit from it. As far as the movie goes, here's your review "HORRIBLE". That's really all you need and all you are going to get. If Uwe Boll really wanted to make a movie based on the game, then he would have loading sequences show up every 3 minutes in the movie and have you wait 10 minutes to load the next 3 minutes of movie. Not to mention that any Postal movie would have to be rated X to allow for pissing in people's faces to make them throw up, decapitation, using cats as silencers and killing gary coleman. DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE. This man is nothing but a joke and should suffer the same fate as the late Heath Ledger .
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Speed Racer
You Don't Mess with the Zohan
The Incredible Hulk
The Love Guru
WALL-E
Wanted
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